I’ll always look at pictures of us and wonder where it all went wrong and think about all the good times we used to have. I miss you sometimes when I think about how you would be the first person I would tell things to, my best friend. We were supposed to be there for each other and be in each other’s weddings, you were supposed to be the sister I never had. But looking back now, I know that you didn’t think of me the same way that I thought of you. You just saw me as constant competition, but that’s not what I wanted to be. Now when I see you, you’re nothing more than a stranger to me. We walk past each other like we’ve never met, like we weren’t the family I thought we were, and like we didn’t have a million inside jokes or secrets with each other. Thanks for being a learning experience for me that even after all this time I still haven’t figured out.
The girl you used to know
Wow, ok so that got a little emotional up there. Let’s be honest… I’m sure many of you have felt that same way about somebody you used to be close with. I know it’s happened to me a few times, but sometimes it cuts deeper than others and sometimes it still comes back to hurt you years later.
There are always going to be people that come in and out of your life at different times. Some people are meant to stay in your life forever, while others are only there for various amounts of time. Every person that comes into our life has a purpose for being there. I’ve had plenty of people come into my life and then leave and every time someone leaves, there’s a lesson to be learned. For the most part, everyone who is no longer in my life, I’ve figured out the reason that they didn’t stick around, but there are some that, I think, I will never know the lesson that was supposed to come from them. But don’t get me wrong here, this doesn’t mean that I don’t know why or what happened to make them leave my life (I know damn well what happened!).
There will be FRIENDS that eventually drift out of your life and it may not even be from something significant. It could be as simple as you went to different high schools, or your lives were on different tracks. When I was younger, I was a competitive gymnast with a very rigorous training schedule and I had friends at school that didn’t understand that and eventually we went separate ways because my commitments were not with partying on the weekend and drinking (with an 8am Saturday morning practice, there were no late Friday nights). I still see some of those people that drifted away from time to time, but they’re not really in my life anymore, not like the friends I made in high school. I have a few VERY good friends that I can call at any time and they’ll be there. Having so many friends drift away has taught me to appreciate the best friends that I have and that every friendship takes a little bit of work. I’m grateful for the friends that I have and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
There will be BOYFRIENDS that come into your life and you’re either with them for a short while or you’re with them for years before you FINALLY break up. Let’s face it, you’re devastated at first, but then you get over it and realize all the reasons that they were no good for you and why they weren’t going to fit into your life. Maybe they wanted different things in life, maybe they were holding you back from reaching your full potential, or you were blind when you were with them and couldn’t see what everyone else was telling you. But then you meet someone and something in your heart feels different than any other time; you look at them knowing that it’s forever and then that forever becomes a reality and at that moment you know that all the frogs made it possible for you to find your prince. All of those other silly boys that came first taught you valuable lessons: how you want to be treated, what you’re truly looking for in the man that you want to spend forever with, what you will/won’t put up with in a relationship and how to stick up for yourself. But most of all, you learn that you deserved to be treated like the absolute princess that you are and you won’t let anyone treat you any other way. So to them, say thank you for that learning experience and hold on to the one that treats you like no one else before has (thank you to my fiancé for showing me what true love is and for always supporting my dreams).
And I’m going to get real honest with you, there could even be FAMILY who decide that you’re not good enough for them and they walk right out of your life like they never even knew you. In the town I grew up in it’s pretty common for people to not talk to their own family. It makes me sad to think about that, but I get it; and trust me, I can relate. It doesn’t make it right and it definitely doesn’t make it ok, but sometimes there is literally nothing you can do about it. These right here are the lessons that are hardest to figure out (shoot, I honestly couldn’t tell you what lesson I’ve learned yet) and yet the memories never go away. They’re the hardest “what ifs” to deal with. For a long time I wondered if I had done one particular thing differently then would all this be different? Would the last few years have been easier or harder? But I’ve learned that you can’t think that way because the thoughts will start to consume you and you can’t live like that. You just have to hold your head up high and know that the best way to live your life is to live it exactly the way you want to.
There’s always going to be the “what ifs” in life. What if this never happened? Or what if I had done something differently? But guess what? You can’t go back and change anything now, there’s only one way to keep looking and it sure isn’t behind you. You have to remember that everything happens for a reason and even if you don’t know it yet, it’s happening. There’s a reason that certain people don’t stick around to see the most important parts of our lives and the huge milestones that you accomplish. So my advice to y’all is to live life to the fullest and to always be proud of who you are and the choices you have made in life.
Thank you for letting me get a little personal with y’all today. I had planned on a different post, but with all the upcoming milestones for me it had me thinking on a deeper level. Let me know what your thoughts are or if you have anything you’d like to share.